Phase Two

The first step in making a change is recognition that something needs to be different.

So what's step two? Discovering what that change object is. What about when the change object is yourself? Ha. That's just not going to happen. But...if my [tens of] thousands of dollars of school debt has taught me anything, it has taught me that perceptions can change and that knowledge is critical. And that is priceless!

The second phase of my personal journey came to me in one of those light-bulb-aha! moments the other day as I was talking to one of my clients, a 44-yr-old-single-mother-of 3-nearly-empty-nester. I was doing an "intake" and so trying to gather as much information as possible in 45 minutes. I came to the "social support" section and asked her if she has a "best-friend." She responded affirmatively, so I asked her to "tell me about her or him," not wanting to assume, and kind of wanting to find out if she has a boyfriend. Her response flipped the switch for me. "Oh, a woman! Men are great and all, but they don't make very good best friends. We need girl time and to be silly! We just can't be silly around men! They will think we're crazy!"

Aha!

I have been spending ALL (okay, okay... MOST, we do other things, too) of my free time watching football, war movies, talking politics and business. Hanging out with a boy (as cute as he is) all the time = not enough silliness!

So, phase two begins. Rediscovering my feminine-self.

It started during last week's Relief Society lesson on "Women in the Church." I thought to myself that I LOVE talking and hearing about how great women are! And I was secretly hoping that John was LOVING the lesson too! So, I asked him about it. Well, turns out they had a different lesson altogether (I guess the RS was ahead a week) and then I started thinking. Is my boyfriend really going to understand or feel the same way that I do about my peers? No. Is is totally unrealistic for me to expect him to want to put our pj's on and make some caramel corn and give ourselves pedicures and talk about how great women are? Yes! Does it mean that he has issues with women? Most definitely not!


I picked up this book at Borders last week and showed it to the bf, saying that I had something for him to read. He laughed, quite nervously. I've been pounding him with way too much estrogen lately. Then he said he'll read it after I do. Little does he know that I am going to hold him to it.

I absolutely recommend this read to anyone who is female, is raising a female, or lives with a female. I dare say that this is the most enlightening work I have read in a very long time (scripture excluded).

Here are a couple excerpts:

"Girls' social agenda, expressed in play and determined by brain development, is to form close, one-on-one relationships. Boys' play, by contrast, is not usually about relationships--it's about the game or toy itself, as well as social rank, power, defense of territory, and physical strength."

Some things just don't change!

"The numbers vary, but on average girls speak two or three times more words per day than boys....Girls speak faster on average, especially when they are in a social setting. Men haven't always appreciated that verbal edge. In Colonial America, women were put in the town stocks with wooden clips on their tongues or tortured by the 'dunking stool,' held under water and almost drowned--punishments that were never imposed on men--for the crime of 'talking too much.'"

If true, this is pretty sad, but I still laughed as I envisioned men in powdered wigs, so frustrated by over-verbal women, running around, not knowing what to do. It's a good thing that social structure has changed, otherwise I'm pretty sure there would be a lot of women in the stocks with their tongues secured. Poor men! It must be rough to be you and have to listen to us all the time! :)

What does all this mean for me? More girls' nights. Pictures to follow.

2 comments:

Cicily said...

Come and visit us in AZ, Lenor and I will give you all the girl chitter chatter and silliness you could ever want.

Krainik Family said...

Girl's Night Out keeps me sane. Seriously. It is a must have and Brandon is so good about taking the kids so I can hang out with my girls!