pay it forward...

So, here's how this game works-the first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive, at some point during the year, a handmade gift from me. What it will be and when it will arrive is a total surprise! The catch is that you must participate as well. Before you leave your comment, write up a pay it forward post on your blog to keep the fun going (or be lazy and copy and paste like I did). Then come back, let me know you're going to play and sit back and anticipate the arrival of your gift!

I really love this idea. I love the thought of getting some sweet handmade surprise...and of being able to share some of my own sweet handmade surprises! A great start to my new creative career path!

season eight

yes. i'm talking about american idol. i've been sucked in. i'm not a fan of the auditions and how they take fo-evah, but now that they're down to 9...sniff, sniff, i really liked jackie...i'm liking it. speaking of, did they do this last year? make us vote for the top 12? i don't remember and i feel like it's a little torturous.

i've been reminded of how much i love the vocal instrument and dudes that can sing. but, has anyone else noticed how all all of those dudes are wearing rings on their taken finger? is the jonas brother promise ring catching the trend fire or are they really all spoken for? i'm leaning away from the chance that it's a promise of moral purity.

not going to miss this one. sorry!


Many thanks to all your supportive words! The last few months have been an interesting journey that still continues. Step One: Find a J-O-B! Step Two: Go back to school :). I've been looking at a certification program (30 credits) at a local university in Art and Visual Communications with an emphasis in interior design and wood working. Very different from where I've been, but when I think about some of the times I have felt the happiest and most fulfilled it's when I'm creating something and using my hands. It may or may not be a career. I may or may not decide at some point to pursue an MFT license. I am excited about something new!

Since I don't know who Interested Reader is, I just want to say a quick thanks. Many people have asked who you are because your comments have been so insightful and wise. Thank you for referencing Zion's camp. I had never thought of my situation in quite that way and it was very comforting. I know my degree and training has been and will be a tool the Lord can use on many levels. Thanks!

mid-life crisis


as promised...words from january twenty-nine two-thousand and nine.

Am I too young for a mid-life? I think this might be an appropriate age. Do you have to be married to mid-life?

Who sits through three extra years of school, pays a wagon load of $$, stresses out for a degree only to decide that they don't want to use it? I don't want to be a therapist! I'm finally admitting it out loud to myself and to whoever reads this.

I'm tired of taking care of people. I've spent my whole life being the responsible one, doing what I'm supposed to, while everyone else checked out. I stayed on the sinking ship bailing away. Finally I look around to realize no one else is bailing. In fact, they've all swum to shore and are laying out on the beach eating mangos, drinking virgin margaritas having a grand ole time together. I look down at my bucket and there's a hole in it. No wonder I'm exhausted. I've been bailing with a broken bucket for a ship that doesn't even want to float. By myself.

My whole body is retreating from all things nurturing and I feel dissonance reverberating between my head and heart--between duty and desire. How did I get to this place? How did I let the world restrict me like this? And I hate that I feel like I have to answer to that same restricting world for deciding to not spend my life listening to people's problems, picking them up, dusting them off, and patching up their boo boos.

in the process of asking myself the hard questions...

What do I want to do?
What makes me happy?
How do I want to live my life?


Today in church, the sacrament talks were all about agency and were very good! I wanted to write a few words about agency here. Partly as a response to the anonymous comment on my previous post, because I feel like creating my detailed list of what I want in a partner is a supreme act of agency. Not a passive giving over to God my life's choices. It's absolutely my choice, applying principles of faith (action) and hope (belief) to make it happen.

My graduate program was application based, so luckily I didn't have to write a thesis. The closest I got was the final paper I wrote in my last semester. I titled it "Exploring Personal Agency". Here's an excerpt:

Agency has been defined as “the power to think, choose, and act for ourselves”. It is agency that sets humankind apart from the rest of the animal kingdom and is comprised of several elements. My religious education taught me that agency is a gift from God. Joseph Smith, the first president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, explained the preciousness of this gift when he said, “we are not disposed, had we the power, to deprived any one of exercising that free independence of mind which heaven has so graciously bestowed upon the human family as one of its choicest gifts." Ironically, we as a culture have taken for granted that we do not have the right to remove other people’s agency.
Another element of personal agency is knowledge. I was taught that knowledge is required in order for someone to truly realize personal agency. “For behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free” (Helaman 14:30). I believe that knowledge can mean several different things in the context of this scripture, one being awareness of circumstance.

No one will be able to fault me for making any decision blindly. Agency, the power to choose, is a concept I believe I fought for before the beginning of time and is embedded in my eternal identity. It's not something that I treat lightly.

oh l'amour!

Welcome you, month of love! Is it any wonder why February is the shortest month on the calendar and the hardest to pronounce? Feb-RU-ary. Say it. February. Odd. So is love--in my life anyway: short lived and hard as H-E-double-hockey-sticks.

You know those lists we all wrote in Young Women's detailing the qualities we wanted in a future husband? Well, I think I ripped up every last one of them. Even the one I wrote on my mission, cause after I got home I dated someone who I really, really liked and he didn't fit a whole lot of it. Some of you may remember. Oh l'amour. The point is, I haven't always been a fan of "the list".

I'm not sure if I should admit this, but I've made a new list. Actually, it's a list on steroids. More like a novel, which at this point is absolute fiction, describing "our relationship" and everything about "him" excluding physical specs. Sometimes I even get giddy reading over it, cause he's so perfect for me :). hehe. I'm putting the law of attraction to the test.

Before you all think I'm super crazy (which I well may be) wondering why at 29 and 9 months I am getting more specific when maybe I should be getting less picky, I have a good reason for being so detailed. I have on good authority that God wants me to be happy AND He knows the desires of my heart (& some other stuff too).

Now, my prayers include me asking that "he" will show up in my life so I won't have to go on a global search. So, if any of you know of a cute dude who is responsive, gets teary during the National Anthem, loves the Lord, will treat me as an equal partner, has a voice, is helpful, and will make me swoon please give him my number.

Brinny Bear!

Today is Brinly's 3rd Birthday. She told me yesterday that being 3 means she can eat peanut butter and no more pa pa's (pacifier) and that she wants to be a mama. She was pretty excited about all of that.

I can only imagine how much fun you had eating Pink Cake and decorating Princess Wands and that you have fun playing with all your princess stuff!!
I miss you and I want to come visit soon, silly girl!