injured and ill...

not a good combination on the day after a storm and only a few more weeks of the ski season.

(update: i skied yesterday and babied my wrist. still, i had a great time. i may not be able to breathe through my nose today, but it was worth it.)

You don't let the people you love be alone.

My life just got a little less crazy tonight so I got to catch up on the last three weeks of Grey's. I didn't realize how much I had missed "my friends" at Seattle Grace. I bawled like a baby through most of the three hours (rather 2.25 hours skipping through the commercials).

I know, I know, it's just a tv show, but the current plot is hitting a little close to home...Hale 5, that is, my island home away from home where I met this beautiful girl.

Ange, you amaze me. Please keep on fighting.


Who would've thought Karev would become one of my favorite characters? His closing words tonight, maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up, profound, huh? Why is it that sometimes people on tv seem more real than the real deal, flesh and blood? Ah, maybe it's because you get to "experience" the darkness with them. The writers make sure you know what's going on, draw you in and play on your empathy and compassion. While real people try to hide it all away. We're pretty good at trying to be perfect or at least trying to seem perfect. be. hm.

Life is so short and so valuable. As my doctor friends learned tonight, you don't let the people you love be alone.

On a lighter note, tonight was a lot of fun! Thanks to all who dropped in to browse and shop. The response we had at the first ever "Into This" event was more than we could have expected. We ended up with four college ruled notebook sheets full of emails to add to the mailing list.

Now I can re-focus my efforts on the j.o.b. search. Any suggestions?

lessons from Mr. Lewis

Just finished Surprised by Joy, an autobiography of C.S. Lewis' early life describing his journey through atheism to Christianity. Had I not read most of it poolside, I would've had google close at hand. I'm sure I would've gotten a lot more out of it if I could have looked up all the allusions, references and name-dropping.

lesson one. I will not indulge in futile philippics against enemies I never met in battle.
After an entire chapter spent illuminating the intimate relations between the bloods (the socially superior usually due to athletic prowess) and tarts (a "pretty and effeminate small boy") at his all-boys prep school, he writes, "Here's a fellow, you say, who used to come before us as a moral and religious writer, and now, if you please, he's written a whole chapter describing his old school as a very furnace of impure loves without one world on the heinousness of the sin." Lewis gives two reasons for his judgment-free narrative. I don't remember the first reason, but the second is stated above. In a recent conversation, the topic turned to how we support a traditional definition of the family, support initiatives like Prop 8 in California or Prop 102 in Arizona and others, follow the counsel of the Prophet, not condone a lifestyle that goes against gospel principles AND remain Christlike in our approach. My thoughts: The gospel of Jesus Christ is inclusive and people are not the problem. I don't love a lot of cliches, not even this one, but I like the message: "love the sinner, hate the sin." After all, are we not all beggars? This doesn't just go for issues of "moral purity"--I love this new-to-me word, philippics--in the words of Salt 'n Peppa, There's only one true judge in this world and that's God. So chill, and let my Father do His job. I'm SO glad that's not my job. Yes, I get to choose who I associate with and what I allow into my inner circle, but people will always be welcome.

lesson two. I insisted that he ought to appear in the temple I had built him; not knowing that he cares only for temples building and not at all for temples built. This is deep, huh? Each reader deserves to come to their own conclusion of what it means for them. So, I'll let Mr. Lewis do the talking: ...compare the error which I was making with that error which the angel at the Sepulchre rebuked when he said to the women, "Why seek ye the living among the dead? He is not here, He is risen." Okay fine...my thoughts: Why do we limit God, put Him and His power in a box saying that "the Atonement cannot cover me" or "my parents" or "my sibling" or "my friend" or "my ex-whatever" ??? What does He care about? That we are growing. God does not grade of a curve, my friends.

lesson three. Joy is not a substitute for sex; sex is very often a substitute for Joy. I sometimes wonder whether all pleasures are not substitutes for Joy. I apologize for the use of the "s-word" but I really like Lewis' point here. Earlier he writes, One thing, however, I learned, which has since saved me from many popular confusions of mind. I came to know by experience that it is not a disguise of sexual desire. The whole point of this book, I believe, is to teach that one cannot produce Joy, real Joy is a gift and it comes from God. It cannot be harnessed or forced. He says it is an error to falsely make a state of mind your aim, to attempt to produce it. He also said that once he tasted Joy, to get it again became my constant endeavor; while reading every poem, hearing every piece of music, going for every walk, I stood anxious sentinel at my own mind to watch whether the blessed moment was beginning and endeavor to retain it if it did. Because I was still young and the whole world of beauty was opening before me.... But far more often I frightened it away by my greedy impatience to snare it, and, even when it came, instantly destroyed it by introspection, and at all time vulgarized it by my false assumption about its nature. Isn't that what Satan does? I heard recently that the Greek definition for the word for sin means missing the mark. I sometimes wonder whether all pleasures are a substitute for desire. The quick fix. Who wants to wait for real Joy when you can get a fleeting and vain substitute in a make-out or shopping splurge or red-bull???

lesson four. the kicker. But what, in conclusion, of Joy? ...to tell you the truth, the subject has nearly lost all interest to me since I became a Christian....It was a valuable pointer to something other and outer....When we are lost in the woods the sight of a signpost is a great matter....But when we have found the road and are passing signposts every few miles, we shall not stop and stare. The Lord teaches using contrast, I think for a couple reasons: it's a powerful tool and it keeps us on our toes. We take for granted that Joy is not something we can capture, it is something that we are surprised by. This reminds me of a talk that I love given by Henry B. Eyring:

"...you have felt a tug, maybe many tugs, to be someone better. And what sets those yearnings apart from all your daydreams is that they were not about being richer, or smarter, or more attractive, but about being better. I am sure you have had such moments, not just from my experience.... Listen very carefully:

Man is a spiritual being, a soul, and at some period of his life everyone is possessed with an irresistible desire to know his relationship to the Infinite. . . . There is something within him which urges him to rise above himself, to control his environment, to master the body and all things physical and live in a higher and more beautiful world [David O. McKay].

That pull upward is far beyond what you would call a desire for self-improvement. When I felt it, I knew I was being urged to live so far above myself that I could never do it on my own. President McKay had it right. You feel an urging to rise above your natural self. What you have felt is an urging from your Heavenly Father to accept this invitation:

O, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God. And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot [Moroni 10:32­33].

That urge to rise above yourself is a recognition of your need for the Atonement to work in your life, and your need to be sure that it is working. After all you can do, after all your effort, you need confidence that the Atonement is working for you and on you."

I didn't mean for this to turn into a sermon. It's just that when I end up writing in the margins and inside covers of a book, I just like to share some of those thoughts. I hope that you who parts of this may hit with any particular force will also remember that the great adversary is very good at breaking down our confidence and convincing us that Joy is no longer within our reach. Lies. Lies. Lies.

When I remember my inner life I see that everything I mentioned...was merely a coarse curtain which at any moment might be drawn aside to reveal all the heavens I then knew.

Thank you for your candor Mr. Lewis. Sorry this is so long.


Road Trip


I just spent a week in God's country. It has been said that the natural affinity we find in ourselves for certain landscapes is an indication that we lent a hand in its creation. If that is true then I must have found myself a great deal of that day in the rich deserts of Arizona and Southern Utah. I imagine that I longed to bathe my not yet physical skin in the warmth of the southern sun even then. I am tempted to pack up my belongings and fly south for a while. It felt SO good to be there. I don't even know how to explain it other than that Arizona still feels like home. My cactus roots grow deep. There is just something about the contrast of the pale green palo verde trees against the burnt orange rocks that is mesmerizing to me.

Reading that back to myself reminds me of a recent conversation about parsimony vs. proliferation (as in speech--I know I've heard both of these words used to refer to verbosity or the lack thereof, but I couldn't find proof of either in any dictionary. I did find the word prolixness which would work in my case). Maybe I should just say, I love the desert and think I have loved it for a very long time. me love you long time.

I will write more about it later and post a few photos, but now I just want to soak in a hot bath and sleep in my own bed!

ps, I may be prolix in my writing but rare is the one who can bring it out of me in real life.

upcoming!


I've expanded my own "shop" from just jewelry. Now will include apron skirts, jewelry hangers/displays, decorative mobiles, and if I have time, hand-carved plaques.

I left the camera with the photos I've taken so far at home. I'll post a few as soon as I return. There are links on the FB to a couple of the vendor sites for you to check out. It, obviously, will be first come first serve. Most of us are selling one-of-a-kinds, so you'll want to be there right at 7.

Getting excited and looking forward to seeing many of you there!
Can you smell the orange blossoms? Arizona in March is pretty close to heaven!

am I over blogging...as in blogging too much?

I think I may be lacking stimulating conversation, because I realized earlier that several times a day I have the thought, "I should blog about that" and then I write out exactly what I would say in my head. Obviously, most of those conversations with myself don't ever make it to the world wide web. But, fortunately for you :) this one will...

Today was pretty much a great day. This morning, a craft bomb exploded in my room. I'll tell you, whenever I get to start the day with a glue gun in my hand, it's sure to be a pretty great day. Yes, I've been crafting with a purpose. Mark your calendars for the upcoming mini-boutique, "Spring Into This" in Orem on March 26th. I felt especially flattered when Emily, my creative genius of a sister, asked if I would sell my goods at their little market and asked if I would create the invite (watch for it--I'm so excited to have CS4).

Around noon, I headed up the canyon to play in the snow. Honestly, I look back to the time period when I thought I would never move back to Utah and scoff! What was I thinking? I love it here. I'm re-smitten with the mountains. The only sad thing is I want to use my tax refund for new skis and boots (mine are going on 8 years) but I am going to be responsible and put it all (minus tonight's dinner) towards my student loan. Please tell me good job! This is a really hard thing for me to do.

I spent the evening catching up with a good friend (bless your heart--I love you!) and then chatting over some amazing clam chowder and seared ahi at Market Street Grill with some beautiful women--Happy Birthday, Heather! (we're kind of a big deal... jk, but this older gentleman was quite taken with Amber...his daughter whose 30 birthday they were there celebrating, mouthed an apology through the window to us...I wish I could show you the face she made. it was so great.) And I loved when the conversation turned eternal and allowed me to get "the chills" over and over. We practically shut the place down.

I dedicated a song to you ladies on my way home. I rarely listen to the radio, but was driving my dad's truck since I was low on fuel and he's in Jordan (neither south nor west, but middle east) and it was either the radio or James Taylor (not that I'm opposed, I love James).

Imagine the pre-recorded voice, sounds a little like Delilah, "Jimmy Eat World: The Middle"

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright. alright.

Hey, you know they're all the same
You know you're doing better on your own
So don't buy in
Live right now
Yeah, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if it's good enough
For someone else

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts, are gonna say

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright. alright.

One of the many perks of growing up in the Gilly (aka: Gilbert, AZ) was being the recipient of the first Jimmy tape produced. That's right kids, a cassette tape circa 1993. By the way, Em??? Do you know what happened to that?

Amen and Goodnight.

a letter mailed via the universe, a new tool and a new temptation

I had to reformat my letter because it didn't read right. Sent via the universe because I don't know if the person it is intended for will read it here...I guess there is a chance, but it's more likely that he will just have to sense it through the universe :).

Dear You,


You need to know that you are deserving.


Love,

Me

p.s. hurry and line your ducks up.

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This (but not the cordless) plus a set of carving and engraving bits are waiting for me in my car. I can't bring them in yet because I have other projects I need to finish first. I am giddy with excitement to get started on some of the ideas bogging up my brain. I feel a new motivation today and am loving life. Yay!

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I noticed one of these is popping up not five minutes from my current residence. I am in trouble and so is my figure. Perfect! Right before swimsuit season. What's a cheeseburger loving girl to do?

inner children only!!!

I have a lot of amazing aunts. Four through blood and five through marriage...so far. This is my aunt Karyn, singer-songwriter, vibrational attunement massage therapist, aroma therapist, joy coach, author, mother, nurturer of the world, and one of the most intuitive people I know.


Her birthday is tomorrow and my cousins threw her a super fun party last night. Welcome to the Inner-Child Tent.



We all had flowers so that when we went around the circle to tell her what we love about her we could shower her with flowers.


What better inspiration of finding your inner-child than these ones...


Everyone deserves this much love and affection on the anniversary of their birth, but especially my amazing Aunt Karyn!

Truth Restored

I know that God loves me when He lets me teach Sunday School.

Okay, maybe that's not the only way, but if mankind is really intended to have joy, then teaching is one really big way for me to experience true happiness. Like Venus aligning with our moon (if you haven't noticed this--look at the moon tonight around 7:30. phenomenal!), I love that the lesson schedule for this year has aligned on Church history and the teachings of the prophet Joseph Smith.

Today we talked about the restoration of the priesthood and I loved this story from the Doctrine & Covenants church educational student manual:


‘In 1976 an area general conference was held in Copenhagen, Denmark. Following the closing session, President Spencer W. Kimball desired to visit the Vor Frue Church, where the Thorvaldsen statues of the Christus and of the Twelve Apostles stand. He had visited there some years earlier and wanted all of us to see it, to go there.
‘To the front of the church, behind the altar, stands the familiar statue of the Christus.... Along each side stand the statues of the Apostles, Peter at the front to the right and the other Apostles in order.
‘Most of our group was near the rear of the chapel with the custodian. I stood up front with President Kimball before the statue of Peter with...Johan Helge Benthin, president of the Copenhagen stake.
‘In Peter’s hand, depicted in marble, is a set of heavy keys. President Kimball pointed to those keys and explained what they symbolized. Then, in an act I shall never forget, he turned to President Benthin and with unaccustomed firmness pointed his finger at him and said, “I want you to tell everyone in Denmark that I hold the keys! We hold the real keys, and we use them every day.”
'I will never forget that declaration, that testimony from the prophet. The influence was spiritually powerful; the impression was physical in its impact.
‘We walked to the back of the chapel where the rest of the group was standing. Pointing to the statues, President Kimball said to the kind custodian, “These are the dead Apostles.” Pointing to me, he said, “Here we have the living Apostles. Elder Packer is an Apostle. Elder Thomas S. Monson and Elder L. Tom Perry are Apostles, and I am an Apostle. We are the living Apostles.”
“You read about the Seventies in the New Testament, and here are two of the living Seventies, Elder Rex D. Pinegar and Elder Robert D. Hales.”
The custodian, who up to that time had shown no emotion, suddenly was in tears.’ ~ Pres. Boyd K. Packer

I looked up the word key in the Noah Webster's 1828 dictionary. It always offers profound insight.
1) In a general sense, a fastener; that which fastens; as a piece of wood in the frame of a building, or in a chain.
2) An instrument for shutting or opening a lock, by pushing the bolt one way or the other. Keys are of various forms, and fitted to the wards of the locks to which they belong.
3) An instrument by with something is screwed or turned; as in the key of a watch.
4) The stone which binds an arch.
5) In music, the key, or key note, is the fundamental note or tone, to which the whole piece is accommodated, and with which it usually begins and always ends. (accommodate: suitable; fit; adapted; to reconcile things which are at variance.)
6) An index, or that which serves to explain a cypher.
7) That which serves to explain any thing difficult to be understood.

New insights for me. OF course there is always the more literal symbolism, like in definition #2. I like the symbolism of a the priesthood as a the frame of a building, or the fastening agent in a chain, or especially as the key a piece of music is written and played in. If you think about the plan of salvation as a piece of music, well orchestrated and intricate, the tone/key (aka: priesthood keys) really does reconcile the variances of life.

I was reminded of Elder Richard Scott's (who, I just found out, paints and some of his art work hangs in the Huntsman Cancer Hospital) talk from the priesthood session last October (I read it, I wasn't there) Honor the Priesthood and Use It Well. I feel like he really set a standard for those who hold the priesthood to aim for. He says, “I wonder, bretheren, how many of us seriously ponder the inestimable value of holding the Aaronic and Melchizedek priesthoods. When we consider how few men who have lived on the earth have received the priesthood and how Jesus Christ has empowered those individuals to act in His name, we should feel deeply humble and profoundly grateful for the priesthood we hold.”

Elder Scott continues by asking a lot of hard questions. Questions that ALL of us should be asking ourselves. This is one of the best talks on the priesthood that I have ever read. I am using it as a standard for the guys I choose to let into my life. It’s a resource that I hope to someday use in teaching my kids about the responsibilities of the priesthood. I hope that you guys out there who hold the priesthood all know how much we womenfolk depend on you to honor that divine gift. To me, the fact that God has restored His priesthood power for our benefit is an example of the love that God has for us. He has not left us to our own devices.