quiRks

There's a few things about me that, I'll admit, are pretty weird. I'm not sure if these qualify as quirks or just evidences of craziness...

First, I assign inanimate objects gender. Ah, I can't believe I'm admitting this. I think it's normal for people to think of their car as either male or female; boats are usually referred to as ladies; mountains: Nebo is male, Timp is female; crayons based on their color; numbers & letters: A is masculine, B is feminine, etc...maybe those last few aren't so normal. I mean, it's not like I'm counting my steps or washing my hands excessively. This isn't something that takes up a lot of space in my brain, just something that I've noticed over the years. My iPod changes gender, which I know is weird, but brings me to number two...

Second, I swear music is alive. If not music, then my stereo and iPod. They have personalties! In my car, I usually just set it to random shuffle, so I can't predict what song will play next. Sometimes if I'm feeling a particular artist, I'll turn off the shuffle, but that's not part of my story today. It's the not so random shuffle that catches my attention.

For example, a few years back after "breaking up" with this one guy for what seemed like the hundredth time--this time was for good--I started my car and bawled. Even though this dude had worn out his welcome in my head and heart, I was still grieving the loss. The first song that my iPod played was Everybody Hurts by R.E.M., a song I had not heard in years. I couldn't help but laugh because it's such a dramatic song! Poor me, wah! Then, the next song that came on was one by Jessica Andrews, I won't go into detail due to personal nature, but it reminded me that I know what it's like to be cherished utterly and completely and that it is worth waiting for and the tears started falling again, though not so much for mourning but for hope. My iPod told me in just two short songs, it's okay to cry over that jerk while I laugh at you, but only for a minute. It's not worth more than that.

As I crossed the Stateline last week leaving the beach behind me, can you guess what song came on? Hem's Not California. Ah, I sang along, it's not true and it's not fair and it's not you and it's not California here...wondering again: Why? feeling just a little sorry for myself. I know I haven't explained why I chose to move back to Utah. That's largely because I don't know yet. Just a feeling that I had to act on and the timing seemed to work out and everything just fell into place...in just one week. Back to the random shuffle--the next song in the serendipitous playlist was Shut Up and Drive ~ Chely Wright, reminding me to not look in the mirror. The beach would be...a dude? It fits in with the lyrics. Chely was followed by Families Can Be Together Forever from the children's hymn book. I didn't let that one play very long--just quietly acknowledged that, indeed, I would be able to spend more time with my family. I hit the skip button to hear the soothing voice of Dave Matthews beckoning me to be his lover for tonight and was sold. How does my iPod know me so well? How does he/she know that I associate DMB with the mountains and his live shows at Wolf Mountain/Canyons/Usana?

Is this craziness? Probably. I have always found comfort and inspiration in music. And, as hard as it is for me to admit, I am glad to be back under the protective wing of Timpanogus adorned in her autumn eye candy. I'm really looking forward to not feeling so socially awkward though. I went to my first social event last night and felt oh so out of place. I forgot what it's like to be a new girl--very unexpected.