Come What May & Love It!

My testimony of timing and how intimately God knows where and when we are has recently experienced exponential growth. The last couple weeks have been an interesting time, to say the least. I went into this past General Conference for our church with specific questions and for the first time I actually wrote them down. One of the themes I noticed that wove through several of the talks was temples, specifically the protection and power we can receive through temple ordinances and regular temple attendance. During one of these talks, I had the thought to call my Grandma who lives in town and ask if I could go to the temple with her and her husband that week. They go every Thursday. I wrote it down in my notes, set apart by [ ] like I do for all my personal insights or instructions. As I wrote it, I found myself overcome with emotion. I had no idea how much I would really need that time with her in the house of the Lord.

She ended up calling me the next day and I was able to make arrangements with her for Thursday. I got emotional again on the phone and sensing there was some pain, she also set up a time when I could come talk with her on Tuesday. This grandma is a family therapist and has some amazing skills and tools. I have been grateful for her time on many occasions. Because it is not my story to tell, I will not be revealing the cause of the pain here. Not yet at least.

As we drove to the temple on Thursday, we were trying to decide what kind of work we would do. For those readers who may not know, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe that in the temples (different from our Sunday meeting houses) we are able to participate in sacred ordinances for ourselves and as proxy for those who are no longer living and were not able to perform them for themselves while alive. Sealings are the ceremony where a husband and wife are married for all eternity, if they keep the promises they make with God and each other. My grandma suggested that if there was a sign on the front desk saying patrons were needed for sealings, then that's what we'd do. We all agreed.

In our session, there were two married couples including my grandparents, two single men and me. The sealer happened to be in my grandparent's ward and had been both of their hometeacher (my grandma is remarried to a wonderful man who lived two houses down from her). For some reason, I ended up getting a lot of time on my knees either as a proxy wife or daughter. Near the end of the session, it started. The sealer seemed to single me out and began to teach. I'm overwhelmed even thinking about it. He asked me specifically if I had ever noticed certain blessings and promises and pointed out certain phrasing that I, honestly, had never noticed before. For the last set of names we did, he asked if I would sit proxy for the wife and announced that he was going to say the words extra slowly so I could really pay attention to the words.

After he was done, he asked me if there was anything I noticed that I hadn't before. I asked him a question about one part of the ceremony that I didn't understand. His response was, "Well, that's for you to learn through prayer and study." He continued by sharing with me--and everyone there--how important it will be when I choose my "sweetheart" that he be a man of God. Even some of the other patrons, who I had never met before, shared insights with me. I felt rallied around and extremely blessed to be taught those lessons in that setting by total strangers. The sealer had no idea the challenges I face, but he followed the prompting to single me out of the group, he was not worried about what anyone else would think. He just shared what came to him, and it ended up being exactly what I needed to hear and sparked the exact questions that I need to be asking.

After the session, we spent a few minutes in the celestial room. I asked my grandma if she had any thoughts about my question. (My specific question is not one that can be discussed outside the walls of the temple, but the answer is scriptural and can be discussed.) She and I speculated together. I know that God is just, so there must be a really good reason! We asked her husband, Parley, what he thought. His answer was better than what we had come up with. Here's my specific answer: I can have faith and hope in a man, as long as I choose a man who will follow the Lord and is committed to putting God first in his life, now and forever. That is the kind of man that I can trust giving my self to as his wife and receiving as my husband. I don't need to be scared or scathed, for that matter. Because of the priesthood power, I am connected to Christ and I am the only one who can break that. Nobody but me.

And so, while life may be confusing and hard at times, I hope I can learn to say, "come what may" and love it! I can only take responsiblity for me. I only want to take responsibility for me.